Just one of those days....

.....when feeling like putting a bullet in my head seems like a wonderous idea.

No, seriously, it's a miracle that I have survived this long with how mentally broken I am.

Look at the evidence: I talk to myself, I guilt myself, I'm a loner, I'm socially stunted in the sense I have no idea how to interact with people. I have anger issues. Hell, if people were actually reading this, I'd think I'd freak. God help me. I really need help.

So the reason I want to off myself this time is that I looked at Ashley's exam across from me. I didn't mean too orginally, no one sits there 99% of days. I mean, haven't you looked up from taking an exam just to think? It happens. But I caught myself wandering, I was still staring. I looked away, I was panicing inside. I has seen how she'd drawn her magnetic feilds. It just happened, like this darkness creeped up on me while I wasn't looking, and just made me stare into the answers. It's creepy. It's wrong. I shouldn't have done it, I know.

I just finished up my exam and got the hell out. Maybe she didn't see anything, there was another student turning in their paper as I looked over. But what if I looked over too long? God please help me.

But what happens if the professor saw me? I'm fucked, that's what. She knows me. She knows my name. She knows where I sit. By heart.

God, what have I done to myself? I'm hoping nothing. I just can't stop thinking about it. I've tried many things to distract my brain; dopomine, homework, Cracked.com, Phoenix even texted earlier. It's all temporary.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish I live in a place where my future was planned out for me, like I'd get the family restaurant or something.

There is only a few things left for me to do. Brave face. Prayer. And wait for Tuesday.

Tuesday.

Right.

Someone help me. Please.