Brain Dump

There is something very wrong with me. With how I think. With how I feel. Good god, I sound like Catherine. Someone just shoot me now. Fuck it, I'll do it myself.

*BANG*

......

....

Nope, still here. Damn it.

And by feel, I mean that I experience emotion. I don't want to. It's distracting, it's consuming, it's a waste of energy and time. I don't want to feel all these things wandering around in my head. The love. The hate. What a waste of time. I have things to do. Like video games and homework.

There's cooking, gardening, Tanner and school. I don't have to time to think of reasons to gather how much I hate some of my friends. And family. And just people.

But while I'm here, let me tell you about it.

There's this girl that I met back in highschool, Grace Chang, and she's typically a great kid. Sweet, cute, wickedly smart (she got 5's on her AP test and never dropped below a 4.0, scored rather high on the ACT and SAT if I remember that too.) and "innocent" (well, she comes off that way, get to know her, and well.....) So great in fact, that every guy I've ever known has had a crush on her at one point or another. This includes the one that I have a crush on.

Seeing the hate yet? No? Okay, let me put it this way: She's smarter, prettier, and all around nicer then me. On a scale of 1 to 10, she's the ten and I'm the one. No contest. See here. Seriously! How do I compete with that?! She even knows that she's "compliant, overly polite, submissive, and cute". It's just.....unfair. I try sometimes, and it just blows up in my face. I just want, for ONCE, to have fighting chance against her. And, for once, to win, big time. Okay, I'm asking for a hell of a lot here, sue me. I'm working on getting over it.

And, okay, okay, I don't hate her. Want her to cry a little a squirm, maybe a scream, sure, okay.

Now Catherine, oh God in Heaven, there might be some serious spite with that one. We get a little closer to the lines of hate. Another friend from high school. There is no envy or jealousy or whatever you want. I just want to punch her in the boob. Both boobs. Hard. Then maybe a nice swift kick to the ribs. God help everyone if I have something sharp nearby.

And I have my reasons, don't get me wrong. She's a total asswipe 80-90 % of the time. She's been diagnosised with everything in the book: bi-polor, manic depressive, post-tramatic stress, something something something. And no, she isn't a vet or anything. Just another 20-something living athome with her parents, never really held down a real job type deal.

She's constantly making me do shit I don't want to do, and I don't mean that she just nags until I do it, I mean she comes and FINDS ME and literally forces me to do shit. Like, there was this childrens carnaval at the elementry school not too long ago, and she wouldn't leave until I went with her. And she brought Tayla over to my place once when I had told her GOD KNOWS HOW MANY TIMES that I hate that kid.

Oh, I should explain who Tayla is. She's this kid who's a grade or so younger then me and Catherine and my god she's intolerateable. No one likes her. No one. I mean she has, at grand total, about 2 friends. Catherine and Stacy. That's it. She's just......I don't know, aweful? She's always playing the victim and kills the fun in the room.

Which Catherine does too (the fun part). Except, Catherine does it deliberatly. Her verison of fun is what other people hate and vice versa. She hates parties and people as a whole, why she goes out and finds me, I DON'T KNOW. She once popped a vollyball at a football game. Everyone else was having fun with it, she was the only one who had the problem. Also, she wanted people to learn that the last cooking party that was thrown among friends. THAT ISN'T A PARTY, DIPSHIT. IT'S CLASS. AND EVERYONE HATED THAT PART OF SCHOOL.

SDFASDFERTq3t304tjciafjeFDSFk34t----Ahem. Sorry. Lost it for a second there.

And yet she still wants me to cook for her. HA. Asking me to grow and cook things for her. I swear to some force in the universe that one day I am going to kill her in cold blood. And I won't regret it.

*sigh* I feel better. Feel a little riled up about Catherine though. Hmmm.....She's an asswhore. Hahaha. I got that from mis-hearing the Governator say asshole. But she's little bitchy fat cow twat. Ahhh..... :)

She is tall though. And really.....uuhh, insulated. Yeah. Let's go with that. And she's failed everything in life. So she's an idiot. Mom says it's because she's white. Not that I believe that, but it's fun to say about her, 'cause it get under her skin real nice like.

I mean, can people really (in a social sense) call me a racist and hate me for dissing on white people? Food for thought.

I should get back to doing productive stuff. Like school work. I think I'll do this again sometime.